Don’t Invite a Shocking Rejection! These Marriage Proposals are Bound to Fail

Don’t Invite a Shocking Rejection! These Marriage Proposals are Bound to Fail
まさかのNO! 失敗するプロポーズの言葉
Article by Minako Kume, All About’s Weddings Writer, posted on Yahoo! Japan December 11, 2011

An uncouth proposal can make a marriage go up in smoke
When entertainers hold press conferences to announce their marriages, they are always asked, “How did you propose?” That’s because those words carry weight for the rest of the marriage. There are already married couples who were aware of this at the time, but remember, marriage is a big hurdle to cross, and the proposal is an important start.

If the proposer (usually a man) wants to make a good, snappy, successful proposal, he should ask the person being proposed to (usually a woman) to describe the situation and words she would like to hear. If the couple’s expectations are the same, their “wonderful proposal” will put them on the way to a happy and successful marriage. If the woman feels the proposal is reluctant, though she may accept it anyway, she’ll keep complaining that “that proposal was terrible!” long afterward, and if the proposal is even worse, she could just say “No!” In order to keep that from happening, do a thorough examination of what you’re going to say.

Don’t tell a careerist that you want her to make you miso soup
What kind of phrases are turn-offs largely depends on your lifestyles, environment, personalities, and tastes, so there’s nothing you absolutely cannot say.

For example, if you ask a woman who is very invested in her career to “wash my pants” or “make me miso soup every morning,” she’s probably not going to like it. There’s a big chance she’ll say “I’m not your housewife!” and punch you in the face. But if she already wants to be a homemaker, she may not dislike hearing those same requests.

On the same token, “I’ll make you happy” sounds like a wonderful thing to say, but if your girlfriend is self-reliant, she might get angry with you and say “I don’t need anyone else’s help to be happy!” Saying you’ll do something for someone or make them a certain way sounds assertive in an old-fashioned way, you see. “We’ll be happy together!” would be safer.

Avoid negative phrases
The same idea can leave a good impression or a bad impression depending on how you say it, so be careful. For example, “let’s be together forever” and “let’s enjoy growing old together” won’t cause problems, but “follow me into the grave” will kill the mood. You might want to say “if I become an invalid, change my diapers” to make your proposal more playful, but the person hearing that would feel nauseous.

Married life isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. There are plenty of painful and trying times as well. Even so, introducing negative thoughts at the proposal stage isn’t very wise. There are times when hearing a frank statement like “I’m not confident we can have a happy life together, but…” will make a good impression on a woman, but when it comes to the proposal, deep down she’d rather hear you bluff a little.

Lines that will not be taken as a proposal
An actress on a variety show once told this story: her boyfriend told her he wanted to buy a house. When they entered the model room, he said “what do you think of this home?” He seemed to think he had made a marriage proposal, but she didn’t realize it and thought he was just asking her to discuss the purchase with him. The man thought he had been rejected, and they never married.

There are definitely times when the wording is too indirect and someone doesn’t realize she’s hearing a proposal. If the actress’s boyfriend had followed “What do you think of this home?” with “We’d be living here together, you know,” perhaps she would have realized what was going on. Complacent lines are dangerous. The desire to say something elaborate is understandable, but if the other person doesn’t understand your meaning, it’s meaningless. Being easily understood is the most important thing, right?

What you can’t say when you consult her parents
If she accepts your proposal, the next step is to speak with her parents. You have to be careful about what you say to them, too. For example, “[Her name], please.”…people say that in TV dramas, but today’s parents would smack you down and say “our daughter is not a thing!” The safe thing to say would be “please let me marry [name]” or “please give me the permission to marry [name]”.

And another thing
You only have one chance in your life to propose. Even so, you can get too hyped up about it and blow it. Simple and straightforward words in a romantic situation can make a woman’s heart pound all the same. Please think not only about the words you will say but the place where you will say it.

Explore posts in the same categories: Japan, La Vida, Translations

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