SkyMall Selections

I wonder if inventors ever feel insulted when their products appear in SkyMall. It’s not like they’re selling widgets…though maybe I’d buy one of those just to say I did. It’s just that there might only be 100 people with enough time, space, and necessity to order those products. For everyone else, it’s pressure-free window shopping, and ironically it’s the only catalog I read because there are so few other things to do on planes. Here were my favorite hypothetical purchases from the Holiday 2010 edition with SkyMall prices in parentheses.

Magic Showerhead ($45): LCD lights on the head color your shower water neon! This seems like it would be totally sexy in the right circumstances/bathroom.

Military Rescue Tape ($10): For the times when scotch, double-sided, masking, packing, vinyl, or electrical tape don’t do the job. It seems really useful; I just don’t have any use for it. Since it works underwater, I could send some to BP. And isn’t it empowering to have the military version of anything? This replaces astronaut ice cream as the best example of government giving back.

Hand Crank Electricity Generator ($150): When I searched for this product, the top hits were instructions for how to make my own, and this is a lot smaller and cheaper than the one in the catalog. For heavy-duty work, pedal-powered generators are allegedly superior anyway. So SkyMall picked the wrong iteration of this product.

Video Pen ($80): You’ll probably never need to be in a situation where you’ll have to surreptitiously record someone, and if you were, your subject might think it’s fishy that you’re always holding -that- pen -just so-, but I’m feeling craftier just thinking about having one.

Head Spa ($50): It massages your noggin, but more importantly, isn’t that guy dreamy?

Undesirable No. 1 Poster ($18): The listed price was twice the Amazon price, and a whole Andrew Jackson would enable you to print a version with your own face on it from the WB Shop. Don’t buy things until you confirm how much they cost at sea level!

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