What will Harry Potter VI be like?

In about VI months, the VIth Harry Potter book will hit bookstores. It will sell M copies per second, I’m certain. My friend Amberdulen has thought of a great way to get ready for this event:

How would Book 6 go if it was written by one of your favorite authors? Post your synopsis as a comment, then link to it in your LJ to see how your friends’ favorite writers would lay out the plot. Let’s see how many we can get!

Book 6 by Ernest Hemingway
In Book 5, Dumbledore lied to Harry about Trelawney’s prophecy. Dumbledore said that either Harry or Voldemort would die at the end of Book 7. Actually, they are both going to die.

Dumbledore still needs to use Harry’s powers to protect the school, however. That means getting him out of Hogsmeade, where he has been living in exile. Each night, he, Ron, and Hermione drink pints upon pints of butterbeer, shed tears for their fallen comrades, and yearn for the happy days before the war against Voldemort ruined their lives.

Ron and Hermione have been having an affair for months now, and Harry is very frustrated. He knows he is a better wand-handler than Ron but never gets to show his stuff. Dumbledore realizes this and sees an opportunity to bring Harry back into the fold. He instructs sweet, innocent Ginny to show Harry what love is and to bring him back to Hogwarts. She succeeds.

One day, Harry, Ron, and Hagrid go on a hunting trip. They bring down a Fellbeast, an extremely large, rare, and evil flying dragon (but not an original one – the Fellbeasts carry the Nazgul in Lord of the Rings). Before they can bring the Fellbeast home and show it to their comrades, however, Grawp seizes the corpse, eats all its innards, and rips the rest of it to shreds. Now, the accomplishment will live only in their memories.

Voldemort and his followers capture Hogsmeade. Dumbledore, knowing that Voldemort has Peter Pettigrew on his side, orders Harry, Ron, and Hermione to blow up the tunnel between Hogwarts and the Shrieking Shack so the Death Eaters will not be able to use it. They accomplish their mission, but Ron, paralyzed by all the spiders crawling in the tunnel, does not escape fast enough. He dies in the blast.

Ron’s death crushes Harry’s world and what’s left of his psyche. Hermione takes up with Draco, whom she does not love, because Draco is very, very wealthy. Ginny is so morose that she can no longer make love to Harry. Our hero tries to find solace in Quidditch, but he no longer wants the Snitch. Instead, he sits on his broom. Staring into space. In the rain.

One day, Harry decides he no longer wants to live. All he wants is vengeance for his friend. That means killing Voldemort, no matter the cost. So, he begins in earnest his training to become a killing machine. His friends never see him smile again.

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One Comment on “What will Harry Potter VI be like?”

  1. […] the charm and creativity that marked the earlier, lighter stuff. If Rowling wanted to be dark, she should have let me write it. Anyway, the Harry Potter releases are always nice cultural […]

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