My trippiest dream ever

I just had a terrifying dream. It was a series of scenarios, each one worse than the last. If dreaming is the brain’s way of solving problems, I have some weird ones.First, I was at Prom with my Homecoming date. We were in the sun room of someone’s house, and it seemed to be 4 o’clock in the afternoon. Jessica, Christina, and the rest of the Senior Class student government enlisted my help in preparing a raffle for the students. They had printed the names of all the kids who attended (about 160) onto sheets of computer punch-card paper, each row separated from the others by perforated lines. Have you ever bought a game like Memory that printed a lot of cards on a single sheet and had to punch out each individual card? If so, you’ll understand what I was doing.

I did my job well. Then I realized that it wasn’t just perforated paper; it was sticky paper, and pulling off the back of each strip would reveal the stickiness underneath. (Car bumper stickers use this design as well.) That wasn’t a problem until some of the paper didn’t have anything protecting the backs. Everything got stuck to my fingers, and all 160 people watched and waited as I tried unsuccessfully to put the all the names into a neat little pile without making them all stick together which would ruin the raffle. Thunderclouds developed overhead.

In the next sequence, I was visiting a college. I walked into “The Importance of Being Earnest” late but still got a seat unlike Peter Parker. After the play but before the curtain fell, the female lead walked into the crowd and started speaking in a very loud and obnoxious manner to some of her friends who were visiting. It bothered me.

Then, I was playing Risk with Steven and Brandon Drake. I realized I couldn’t hold North America and decided to run to Australia. I developed a sizable force there but couldn’t take the continent because the number of countries inside it progressively increased from four to nine. I marched my army over territory which was getting larger and larger for no real reason. Then the people of the country itself rebelled against me to keep me from holding it. My competitors laughed at me. Eventually, I gave up.

While we were playing, we were watching a baseball game on television. Manny Ramirez was arguing balls and strikes, and the umpire retaliated by grabbing Ramirez’s bat and beating him with it. I immediately thought of the Rodney King incident. I waited for someone to stop the crazy umpire, but no one did.

That was surreal, but it paled in comparison to the final stage of my dream. I was emptying out a white cabinet on the side of my house. It was very tall, wide, and deep and thus could hold a great deal inside of it. After I removed some stickers from the cabinet’s sides and my VCR, I left. George W. Bush and Dick Cheney then snuck over to the cabinet. They laughed maniacally and gloated about how they would use it for world domination. They dumped some captive Australian boys into it and then cast a black magic spell which turned them into purple foam octopi with large, expressive, anime-style eyes. These beasts secreted a very clean and efficient type of oil which resembled gasoline. Bush and Cheney lowered one end a large tube into my cabinet and then stole away to connect the other end to one of their evil machines. I then returned to the cabinet and saw one of the octopi floating on top with a heartbreaking expression on his face.

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