It is time.
I’ve been living day to day for the last couple years, doing stuff when I felt like it and just hoping to survive. I lost so much sleep last year that even the summer could not give it back to me. I’ve done whatever people wanted me to do without thinking about whether I had the time; I’ve done whatever I wanted to do without thinking that I might have limits. For two and a half years, I survived, probably thanks to a boatload of prayers for the suffering. The second semester did not give me quarter. I look at my report card, and I’m disappointed. I look at it, and I realize that I could have done so much better.
How could I do better, though? I threw everything I had into the year and showed willpower that I didn’t even know I had. I exerted myself so much that at the end, I was nothing but a pile of ashes, a burnt shell of a man. I wondered if I would ever be the same. If that wasn’t enough, what could I do?
What could I do? Now I see. I could take responsibility of my life. I could cut down on my internet time, go to bed early, or even do my homework at a decent hour. I could turn down invitations to places I just couldn’t go, skip movies I just didn’t have time to watch, actually skip some of the big sports games that come on television. I could work with a purpose. I could become a man.
For the last three years, I’ve been a tool. A puppet. I’ve let people and things control me and decide what was right for me. In a few years, they’re not going to be stuck with me. I am. The only things I’m absolutely certain I’ll have in 10 years (provided I live that long) are God and my family. They come first. Everything else, it’s nice, God put it here, and it can certainly enrich my life, but I have to take it all in moderation. I can’t go out and party all weekend when I have finals on Monday and Tuesday. I can’t talk on the phone until midnight when I haven’t even studied for the three tests I have the next day. It’s sad, and I’m going to have to give up a lot of what I’ve enjoyed for the last few years, but in return I’ll have structure, good health, and a balanced life. I will not completely remove myself from friendship or entertainment – this, too, would be a violation of the rule of moderation – but I will keep a balance and work to be the best person I can be. I can’t make other people’s lives better if I’m not taking care of my own.
So, here we are at the beginning of a new era. I’m looking forward to a great school year and a great life from here on out. I’m looking forward to being productive during the weekend instead of using it for REM rebound. I’m looking forward to really making a difference in my life and the world and being a true servant of God – which is something I didn’t focus on at all last year.
Now it’s 11:11, and since I’m waking up at 5:45 AM, it’s way past time for me to go to bed.